snooping in jons room and no frill

yesterday jon decided to show me (im not going to put his bitnez out ) so lets say..website so i snooped around a took pictures of stuff he brought home from japan. then we meet up with friends at no frill.

the last pages

its funny with me, usually when I read a book, i want to get to the end, the resolution so bad. its a funny idea, but seriously once you get to the last few pages, you start slowing down, because you know the last few pages of this 2oo some odd pages will have a beautiful outcome (well, usually). donald miller points this out actually in the beginning pages of one of his books. i guess the point im trying to make it sometimes i have a problem slowing down, taking time to smell life itself instead of always taking the high way and just hitting the breeze. i think to much, maybe too often and as all of us we are always changing. Im constantly changing maybe 2x faster than other people, thats why, yes i have a big group of people who love me, i have different groups to move around. sometimes it gets frustrating i guess because ill never know who will be around long enough...a part of me doesnt care, another part (the part thats human) does...i dont mean to question you papa but why all the changing? is this all apart of the bigger role im going to be placed around. I already know with all my complexities and build that i will be challenged, i know i will constantly have to get stronger. im so used to the gray area that ive made refuge here. should i have?

d.miller

"every heart is a profound mystery to the heart beating nearest it"

_c.dickens

foreboding

dont forget me, before i forget you.

dont let your footsteps become vanished due to the oceans waves.

im thinking of disappearing,

[promise]

funny story

"more than you would expect, less than you would accept."

funny you should say that.

theres not many like me,

and you wouldn't know what to accept

and never know what to expect.

i am me.

i am

difficult.

never jealous.

caring.

over zealous.

thinking all the time.

exuberant .

picky.

adventurous.

sometimes selfish.

outgoing.

reading between the lines.

a texter.

sometimes on time.

unique.

contradictory.

agreeable.

too blunt.

irrational at times.

open.

complex.

mysterious.

influential.

not always patient.

spiteful.

passionate.

however,

i never stop caring.

i dont play games.

& once you mess up, it takes A WHILE.

accept?

"you want me to be somebody that im really not"

scratching

every now and then

its starts

it grows

like a plant in a garden

and its limbs press the glass

and pull towards the lights

to grow

to manifest

and scratch underneath

until it cracks

and spreads

until it breaches.

it wants to meet you

it wants to see outside.

The id is unconscious by definition. In Freud's formulation,

“

It is the dark, inaccessible part of our personality, what little we know of it we have learnt from our study of the dream-work and of the construction of neurotic symptoms, and most of this is of a negative character and can be described only as a contrast to the ego. We all approach the id with analogies: we call it a chaos, a cauldron full of seething excitations... It is filled with energy reaching it from the instincts, but it has no organisation, produces no collective will, but only a striving to bring about the satisfaction of the instinctual needs subject to the observance of the pleasure principle. [Freud, New Introductory Lectures on Psychoanalysis (1933)](wikipedia)

trails

~~~~~

I can't help but wonder about other people.

We all live different lives yet seem to

experience similar situations

Situations in which might break us

for the moment, but eventually make us.

Sitting still in a crowded area, time

seems to lapse rather quickly

And if you watch long enough, you start to

wonder if that smile is in fact

real. Or are they fooling us, can

they sleep at night and smile

or do they, behind closed doors

cry themselves to sleep. Does this facade

keep people from guessing?

or does it make us ask questions?

Yes everyone has a s story, but

does anyone take the time out to

find out WHAT exactly?

Faces become nothing more than light trails

among this highway called life.

~~~~~

~follow

your tireless footsteps

follow among these tracks.

keep moving forward

you still have lights and sights too see.

keep me going lord, cause these chains are pulling me down.

he whispered, " this stops ahead..and your cabin is waiting"